


Forever

by GrnEydDvl



Category: Hikaru no Go
Genre: First Kiss, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Minor Violence, Romance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-06-23
Updated: 2019-06-23
Packaged: 2020-05-16 19:43:18
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,701
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19324822
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/GrnEydDvl/pseuds/GrnEydDvl
Summary: It was the worst day ever.  Then suddenly, it was the best day ever.  Touya Akira realized that he could spend days like this with Shindou Hikaru forever.





	Forever

**Author's Note:**

> I realized I have a weird obsession with torturing Touya. Three of my HikaGo fics put Touya in these awful situations. I swear I really like the guy *pouty face*.

           Touya Akira rubbed his arms and ducked his head against a harsh gust of wind.  It was late, past 10:00, and chilly for September.  Why did Ashiwara have to live so far from the subway station?  His friend had gotten married recently and had moved to a less than savory part of the city in an attempt to save money for a baby.  Touya couldn’t even imagine Ashiwara as a parent.  He was so child-like himself.

           Seedy bars and hostess clubs lined the street, and Touya quickened his pace, desperately wanting to get out of both the cold and the neighborhood.  He turned a corner and almost barreled head-first into three men, twice his size and clearly drunk.

           “Hey, watch where you’re going there cutie-pie,” one of them said, and Touya could smell the alcohol on his breath.

           “I’m sorry…cutie-pie?” Touya said before he could stop himself.

           “So, what’s a cute girl like you doing alone in a place like this?”  That was irritating.  Sure, he like to wear his hair long in the style he’d had since childhood, and he knew that he was a bit more slender than most eighteen year old boys, but still, he had his pride.

           “I’m a boy,” he said.  The man looked at his companions who smirked and laughed heartily.

           “Don’t think that one’s going to work on me, cutie-pie.  Hey, let’s go have some fun eh?”  They started to move towards him with a menacing gleam in their eyes.  Touya’s blood ran cold.

           “Sorry,” he said, pride rapidly being replaced by fear.  “But I’m in a hurry…”  He was cut off as the two companions grabbed Touya by the wrists and pulled him into an adjacent alley.

           “Let go of me!” Touya shouted, struggling against their grip, but the men dragged his arms up over his head and pinned him to the side of a building.  Touya tried to free himself from their grasps, but he was powerless.  His only strength was on the go board.  Physically, he was woefully lacking.  The man grabbed his chin and forced Touya to look up at him.  He brought his face close and Touya thought he might be sick from the fear and the stench.

           “Let’s find out if you’re a boy or a girl, shall we?”  Touya froze.  He had never been more petrified in his entire life.  The man reached down to Touya’s waist and began unzipping his pants.  Every part of Touya was screaming, but he was rooted to the spot, unable to move, unable to do _anything_ but squeeze his eyes shut and pray for a miracle.

           The man reached his hand down Touya’s pants, but when it got there, it discovered the obvious evidence of Touya’s sex.

           “Ahhh!” he screamed, ripping his hand away from Touya and looking at it like it was diseased.

           “What’s wrong?” one of his friends asked.  The man pointed to Touya with a shaky hand.

           “A boy.  He’s a boy!”  In their shock, the two men holding Touya loosened their grip, and Touya took that opportunity to wrest his hands from them and bolted from the alley as fast as his legs would carry him.  He ran down the street, with no thought to his destination other than _not here_.  He ran until his legs gave out and he collapsed on the sidewalk, panting and shivering violently.  But it still wasn’t far enough away.  Unsure if his legs would support him or not, he somehow managed to get to his feet and hailed a taxi.  Screw the expense.  He had to get out of here _now._

           A taxi mercifully pulled over almost as soon as he put his arm out and he climbed inside.

           “Where to?” the driver asked, and as Touya opened his mouth to answer, he realized he didn’t know.  He couldn’t go home.  He didn’t want his parents to see him in this state.  He felt the same way about Ashiwara and Ogata.  But he also didn’t want to be alone.  As he thought about it, he realized there was only one person he wanted to see right now.  He gave the driver the address of Hikaru’s apartment.

           It wasn’t until he was standing outside Hikaru’s door that he began to have reservations.  It was really late at this point, and he had no idea what he was going to say to explain his presence or appearance, but Touya also realized he didn’t care.  He needed to be with Hikaru.

           Touya knocked and the door opened a minute later.  Hikaru was in his pajamas.  His hair was wet, and he smelled like shampoo and toothpaste.  He had clearly been getting ready for bed.  His eyes opened wide with shock when he saw who was standing there.

           “Touya!  What are you doing here so late?” 

           “I…”  Touya wasn’t sure how to finish that sentence, but luckily he didn’t have to.  Hikaru looked him up and down and frowned.

           “What’s wrong with you?  You look like death.  Never mind, just come in.”  Without waiting for Touya to respond, Hikaru grabbed his wrist and pulled him inside.  Touya winced a little at the pressure on his bruised skin, but he also registered how warm Hikaru was, and how much better he already felt just being in his presence.

           “Sit down,” Hikaru said, and Touya complied, forgoing seiza to pull his knees to his chest and hug them close.  Hikaru sat across from him and gave him a concerned look.

           “Touya, what happened?  You’re white as a sheet and you’re shaking.”  Touya hugged his knees tighter.  He was not eager to re-visit what had just happened to him.

           “Is it ok if I don’t tell you?” he asked, hearing the pleading in his voice and hating it.  But Hikaru didn’t tease him about it like he usually would.  He looked surprised for a moment, but then he nodded.

           “Ok.  You don’t have to tell me if you don’t want you.  But I’ll get you some tea.  You’re freezing.”  While the water was boiling, Hikaru went to his closet and pulled out a sweatshirt.

           “Here,” he said, handing it to Touya.  “Put this on.  You’re so cold, I don’t think tea’s going to be enough.”  Hikaru went back to the kitchen as Touya slipped on the sweatshirt.  It was obnoxiously yellow and frayed a little at the sleeves, but it was soft and warm and it smelled like Hikaru.  Touya breathed deeply, refusing to acknowledge how much he liked the smell.

           Hikaru came back with a cup of green tea and Touya took it gratefully.  He squeezed the mug and slowly, he started to feel warm.  He hadn’t even realized how cold he was until Hikaru said something.  He had been too preoccupied with other matters.  Hikaru scratched the back of his head, clearly unsure what to do with the situation, and Touya would have felt bad about it if he wasn’t so grateful that Hikaru wasn’t asking any questions.

           “Do you want to play go or something?” Hikaru asked.  Touya shook his head.

           “I don’t think I could concentrate on a game right now.  Can you just replay something?”  Hikaru grinned at him, clearly glad to have something to do.

           “Sure!”  He pulled out his go board, set the stones in front of him, and began to replay a game.  It didn’t take Touya long to recognize the game.  It was one of Shuusaku’s.  Touya had replayed Shuusaku’s games hundreds of times, both as a child learning the game, and again during his mad chase against Hikaru.  He still replayed them on a regular basis.  All go players worth their salt did.  But Touya wasn’t at all surprised that this was what Hikaru had chosen to play.  His obsession with Shuusaku was legendary after all.

           Hikaru finished the game, cleared the board, and began another.  And slowly, Touya felt himself start to relax.  The sound of the stones, the warmth of the tea, and the familiar scent of the sweatshirt were calming him down more than he would have thought possible.  He stopped shaking and loosened his death-grip on his knees. 

By the time Hikaru finished the third game, Touya was feeling much calmer.  Hikaru cleared the board, but he didn’t start a fourth game right away.  He looked up at Touya and, for the first time that night, Touya felt like Hikaru was scrutinizing him.  It made him uncomfortable, but it didn’t last long.  Hikaru closed his eyes, took a deep breath, and began to replay a game that Touya didn’t recognize.  After about 20 moves, Touya realized who the black player was.  It was Hikaru.  But not Hikaru as he was now.  It was the Hikaru of three years ago, back when they had first started playing each other regularly, before their go had started to influence each other’s.  But Touya didn’t recognize the white player.  He was strong.  Incredibly so, but Hikaru played him well, with the ease of long familiarity with his opponent.  About a third of the way through the game, Touya realized who the white player was.  It was Sai.  The more Hikaru played, the more he became sure of it, and he watched the game more closely.  He had only seen two of Sai’s games and this rare glimpse of another was not one that he was going to take for granted.

Hikaru finished the game and leaned back with a sigh.  Touya continued to stare at the board.  It wasn’t Hikaru’s best game, and Touya, who knew Hikaru’s go almost as well as his own, could tell that it had been played when Hikaru was either tired or unfocused, but it was still brilliant, and now that it was over, Touya was free to wonder about why it existed at all.

“Shindou, what is this?”  Hikaru gave him a weak smile.

“The last game Houinbou Shuusaku ever played.”  Touya gaped at him.

“But this…this is clearly a game between you and Sai!”  Hikaru nodded and Touya stared at him dumbfounded.  Hikaru shrugged.

“I promised I’d tell you everything someday.”  And Touya realized that “someday” had finally come.  He sat up straighter, prepared to hang on to Hikaru’s every word.  Hikaru looked at the board with longing and finally began his story.

ooooooooooooooooooooo

           “So that’s why…” Touya said.

           “Yup.”

           “And you…”

           “Yeah.”

           “Now I know why you…”  Touya trailed off, but Hikaru only smiled in response.  Hikaru’s story was like something out of a manga or a fairy tale, but Touya knew without a doubt that it was real.  It was the only thing that made sense.

           “So you believe me?”

           “I’m the one who said you had someone else inside you.  So many things make sense now.  Of course I believe you.”  Hikaru gave him a look of pure relief.

           “Thanks Touya.”  Touya nodded.  They sat in silence for a few moments, thinking about Hikaru’s impossible story.

           “Shindou,” Touya said.  “Thank you for telling me.  I don’t want you to think I’m ungrateful or anything, but why did you choose to tell me now?”  Hikaru shrugged.

           “You looked like you needed it.”

           “Needed it?  Needed what?”

           “To know that you’re not alone.  To know that I’m always going to be here for you, no matter how much we fight or how much you piss me off.  That story, it’s my deepest secret.  No one else knows the truth about Sai.  Only you.  And no one else ever will.”  Touya felt a warm feeling spread through his entire body at Hikaru’s words.  No one had ever said anything like that to him before.  And he decided that he was ready to tell Hikaru what had happened to him.

           “Tonight, on my way home from Ashiwara-san’s house, I bumped into three men who thought I was a girl.  They dragged me into an alley and…tried to rape me.”  Touya looked down at his knees, too embarrassed to look Hikaru in the eye.  Hikaru gaped at him, wide-eyed.

           “What the hell?!  Touya that’s…are you alright?”

           “I’m ok.  They stopped when they…realized I was a boy.”  Touya didn’t elaborate on _how_ they had discovered he was a boy.  He figured Hikaru would reason it out on his own.  His cheeks burned with shame and humiliation, and he felt himself start shaking again as he remembered how scared and helpless he had felt.

           “Shit, no wonder you looked like death when you got here.”  Touya didn’t feel the need to respond to that.  He vaguely heard Hikaru move, and then suddenly there were arms around him, and Hikaru was holding him close.  They had never hugged before, and the sensation was strange, but it was comforting and secure, and Touya found himself wrapping his arms around Hikaru and hugging him back.  Touya felt his eyes start to burn, and before he realized what was happening there were tears streaming down his cheeks as all his emotions poured out of him into Hikaru’s shirt.  Hikaru held him tightly, never loosening his hold, and Touya felt safer in those arms than he had ever been in his life.

oooooooooooooooo

           Somehow they managed to lay out Hikaru’s guest futon and get into bed without any further discussion of the night’s events.  It was extremely late by this point, and Touya was exhausted, but he couldn’t sleep.  He kept going over everything that had happened.  Between the assault, the confession, and the hug, Touya was too wound up with emotions to sleep.  Finally, he gave up tossing and turning and got out of bed, heading to the kitchen for a glass of water.

           The silence felt unnaturally loud, and Touya felt like all of his nerves were on high alert.  He was hyper-aware of everything; the sound of the air-conditioning, the cool chill of the water in his glass, the light from the streetlamp filtering in through the window.  It felt surreal, like a dream.  Like the kind of moment where anything could happen.

           Touya heard footsteps and turned to see Hikaru, hair ruffled from his pillow, face half-hidden in darkness.

           “Sorry,” Touya said.  “Did I wake you?”

           “No, I couldn’t sleep.”

           “Me neither.”  Hikaru took a step closer to him and gave him a strange look, one that he had never given him before, and Touya wasn’t sure how to interpret it.

           “Touya,” he said.  “Can I…kiss you?”  And maybe it was the lateness of the hour, or the day’s whirlwind of emotions, or his heightened state of awareness, but Touya found himself nodding before he could even think about what doing so would mean.  Hikaru reached out to touch his cheek, then slid his hand into Touya’s hair.  Touya closed his eyes because it felt _so good_ , but it was nothing compared to what he felt a second later when Hikaru’s lips touched his.  He felt like his body was lit on fire.  His stomach coiled and uncoiled itself and all he could do was reach out and grab Hikaru’s shirt for dear life because this feeling could not end _ever_.  Hikaru continued the kiss, snaking his arm around Touya’s waist and pulling him close, and Touya found himself kissing back even though he had no knowledge or experience in what he was doing.  It didn’t matter.  Nothing mattered as long as he could kiss Hikaru like this.

           Touya wasn’t sure how long they kissed for.  It could have been five minutes or an hour, but it wasn’t enough.  It would never be enough.  Hikaru pressed him closer to the counter, and Touya moved his elbow out of the way and felt it brush up against something.

           The sound of breaking glass finally forced Touya and Hikaru apart.  Touya looked in the sink and saw his shattered water glass.

           “Sorry,” he said for more than one reason.

           “Don’t worry about it.  It’s all in the sink, I’ll clean it up tomorrow.”  They stared at the broken glass for a moment as the silence stretched out between them.  Touya wasn’t sure what to say or do now, but luckily Hikaru took the lead.

           “It’s late.  Should we try to get some sleep.”  Touya nodded, unsure if he was grateful or not that they weren’t talking about what had just happened.

           They went back to Hikaru’s bedroom, and Hikaru got into bed as Touya started to get into the futon.

           “Touya.”  Touya looked over at him and Hikaru patted the space beside him.  Touya only hesitated for a second, then steeled his nerve and climbed into the bed.  Hikaru wrapped an arm around his shoulders and pulled him close, bringing Touya’s head to rest on his chest.  Hikaru kissed the top of his lightly.

           “Goodnight Touya.”

           “Goodnight Shindou,” Touya replied, still reeling from his feelings and current position.  His heart felt like it was pounding in his throat and his skin was still on fire and he wasn’t sure how he would ever sleep now, but before he knew it, he was opening his eyes and there was bright sunlight streaming in through the windows.  Hikaru was fast asleep beside him, no longer curled up against him, his breathing slow and steady. 

Memories of the day before hit Touya like a truck.  His wrists were sore from being attacked and his lips still burned where Hikaru had kissed him, and all he wanted to do was kiss him _again_ , because last night had _not_ been enough.  When had he started to feel like this?  When had he started to need Hikaru as more than just a rival?  Their friendship had been growing steadily over the years, but _this_?  Since when did he want _this_?  But he did.  He wanted Hikaru with every fiber of his being.  He almost wanted to wake him up just so he could kiss him again, but he didn’t.  Yesterday had been so insane and so much had happened.  What if the kissing was just another in a series of events that were so absurd they never should have happened? 

And now Touya started to doubt himself.  What if Hikaru regretted kissing him?  What if it was all a dream and had never actually happened?  It had definitely felt like a dream at the time.  But he was in Hikaru’s bed.  Slowly and carefully to avoid waking Hikaru, Touya crawled out of bed and went to the kitchen.  The broken glass was still in the sink, and Touya felt more convinced that the night hadn’t actually been a dream.  He cleaned up the glass and put some water on for tea.  Hikaru appeared just as the water began to boil.

           “Good morning,” Touya said.

           “Good morning.”

           “I’m making tea.  I hope that’s ok.”

           “It’s fine.”  Hikaru was ruffling his hair, and clearly avoiding looking at Touya, and even though he was trying to keep their conversation light, Touya’s heart was racing.

           “Um, Touya,” Hikaru said.  “I need to apologize.  For last night.”  Touya felt his stomach fall to the floor and shatter like the glass in the sink.

           “For what?”

           “For taking advantage of you.  You were vulnerable, and I knew that, but I still…”  Hikaru looked up at him with earnest eyes.  “I didn’t mean to.  Honestly.  That really wasn’t my intention.  I just…really really wanted to kiss you.”  Touya felt himself relax.

           “It’s ok.  You didn’t take advantage of me.  I was really happy.  I still am.  I don’t regret it if…if you don’t.”  Hikaru flashed him an enormous, relieved grin.  And before Touya knew what was happening, Hikaru had closed the distance between them, wrapped his arms around Touya’s shoulders, and pulled him in for a kiss.  Touya melted into it and kissed back without hesitation.  Just as Touya thought that the entire morning would be spent like this, Hikaru pulled back.

           “Let’s make breakfast.”  Touya took a second to process that.

           “Let’s…what?  Now?”

           “Yes, now.  It’s morning and I’m hungry.  Let’s make breakfast.  I think I have some eggs left.  And then let’s play go.  We’ve gone way too many days in a row without playing.  And then…maybe we can make out some more.”  Hikaru smiled at him again, and Touya sighed, knowing he had lost this one.  But it somehow didn’t hurt as much as losing at go.

           “Ok, I can work with that.”

ooooooooooooooooo

           They made eggs and toast and sat around Hikaru’s small table to eat them.  They spoke of nothing and of go, the way they always did, and the normality of it was both a surprise and a pleasure to Touya.  Afterwards they played a game, just as they had several times a week for the past three years.  Only this time, near the end of the post-game argument, Hikaru paused in his rant, and Touya had only a split second warning before Hikaru climbed over the go board and tackled him to the ground.

           They kissed for a long time, and it was even better than the night before.  At some point, Touya realized that he could do this with Hikaru forever.  Play go and fight about it, share simple domestic tasks, feed the physical need burning inside both of them.  He wanted to go through all the best days and all the worst days with the boy who now held him close and turned his insides to jelly.  Who frustrated him and supported him and understood him better than anyone.  He wanted every part of Hikaru, always, and for the rest of his life.

           Touya wasn’t sure why they stopped, but it had seemed to make sense at the time.  They were still wrapped up together, panting as they caught their breath and smiling at each other.  Hikaru reached up to brush hair out of Touya’s eyes.

           “Hey, Touya,” he said.  “Let’s move in together.  I know it’s probably crazy, but it’s us, and we’re crazy, and I just really want to be with you every day.  Forever, if you’ll let me.  Is that insane?”  Touya stared at him.  Was he a mind reader?  Or were they just so in sync that they wanted the same thing.  He smiled and shook his head.

           “Of course it’s insane.  When can I move in?”

**Author's Note:**

> Just to clarify, I like to imagine that Hikaru and Sai played a game on the train the morning that Sai disappeared, because I refuse to believe that the last game Sai ever played was against a drunken Ogata.
> 
> Let me know what you think. Thanks for reading :)


End file.
